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  • NegBox 2:44 am on August 17, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Corporate, Dictionary, Douchebag, Lingo, Suck   

    How to Talk Like a Corporate Drone 

    If you’re heading towards the corporate ranks, grab this Douchebag Dictionary and memorize it. You’ll be a corporate douchebag in no time at all!

    Every area of life has its own lingo… The cube farm is no exception.

    Here’s an excerpt:


    Elevator Pitch

    Unsucked: Overview or summary.


    Hard Stop

    I want to make sure we cover everything we need to in this meeting, but I have a hard stop at two p.m.

    Unsucked: Another meeting or obligation.


    Rightsize, Rightsizing

    Due to rightsizing, we’ll be eliminating 50% of the department. We still have the same deliverable targets.

    Unsucked: Layoff.


    Skull Session

    There’s a marketing team skull session tomorrow on the fallout from having Mel Gibson as the celebrity spokesperson for the new product line.

    Unsucked: Meeting.


    Social Media Strategy

    Here’s a ten-step guide to developing a killer social media strategy for your company.

    Unsucked: Typing into text areas.


    Synergy

    We are actualizing synergy amongst team members directly related to the project.

    Unsucked: Working together.


    If you are really headed to cubefarm, here’s a video sneak peek at life behind the suit: Endless conference calls.

     
  • NegBox 3:50 pm on June 14, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dictionary, Language   

    Word of The Day 

    I love Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day. For a few years now they’ve e-mailed me a new word every single day.

    <Shameless ‘my dick is bigger than yours’  brag> My vocabulary size is around 75,000-80,000 (simple statistics) English words… And English is my second language… And no, the word “fuck” doesn’t account for 45,000 of those. </Shameless ‘my dick is bigger than yours’  brag>

    Of course we all think we’re really smart, funny and cute – I learned that while using match.com, eHarmony and heck even AdultFriendFinder to find dates several years back. What an eye-opener that was!! The true eye-opener, however, was creating a fake profile with two pictures of the same random chick (two pictures for added realism) – filled out some gibberish cut and pasted… So while my own profile was getting as much traffic as the lost city of Atlantis, this phantom biatch’s inbox was stuffed fuller than a Japanese subway. There I could see all the stuff my “competing suitors” were opening with… The numbers disparity was very discouraging – but the quality was very encouraging – most guys sucked ass, though there were a few e-mails which almost made me wish I was really a dumb blonde.

    Anyway… Yes, we all think we’re  funny and smart, and we all want people that are funny and smart. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we could articulate ourselves a little better and truly define what the fuck we want? Go forth and subscribe to Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day, so you too can join in my pompous sesquipedalian blather.

    Update 6/17: Just bumped into the two pics of my “random chick” that I used to create the fake Match.com profile… If you see her, send her my best.

     
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