How to Talk Like a Corporate Drone

If you’re heading towards the corporate ranks, grab this Douchebag Dictionary and memorize it. You’ll be a corporate douchebag in no time at all!

Every area of life has its own lingo… The cube farm is no exception.

Here’s an excerpt:


Elevator Pitch

Unsucked: Overview or summary.


Hard Stop

I want to make sure we cover everything we need to in this meeting, but I have a hard stop at two p.m.

Unsucked: Another meeting or obligation.


Rightsize, Rightsizing

Due to rightsizing, we’ll be eliminating 50% of the department. We still have the same deliverable targets.

Unsucked: Layoff.


Skull Session

There’s a marketing team skull session tomorrow on the fallout from having Mel Gibson as the celebrity spokesperson for the new product line.

Unsucked: Meeting.


Social Media Strategy

Here’s a ten-step guide to developing a killer social media strategy for your company.

Unsucked: Typing into text areas.


Synergy

We are actualizing synergy amongst team members directly related to the project.

Unsucked: Working together.


If you are really headed to cubefarm, here’s a video sneak peek at life behind the suit: Endless conference calls.