The Five Stages of Rat Race Grief

Scientists have identified the emotions that permeate the weeks of Rat Race 9-to-5 white-collar ass-to-the-leather work. They align perfectly with the Kübler-Ross model – more commonly known as the five stages of grief.

Stage 1 – Denial
Onset: Sunday Afternoon
Typical Thoughts: “Tomorrow will never come. This afternoon will last forever. Monday isn’t happening. Is it 2012 yet? Maybe I’ll die in my sleep tonight”

Stage 2 – Anger
Onset: Monday Morning
Typical Thoughts: “Why am I stuck in this piece of shit job? These people suck and I have to work for them! Agh! I hate this”

Stage 3 – Bargaining
Onset: Tuesday Noon
Typical Thoughts: “Maybe I can take Friday off. If I can just take Friday off, everything will be fine, I can get through this week. ”

Stage 4 – Depression
Onset: Wednesday Mid-Morning
Typical Thoughts: “Its no use – I’ve got meetings back-to-back. I won’t be able to take Friday off and it looks like I need to come in on Saturday to finish those TPS reports – my life sucks. I should just quit and be a beach bum, or move to the mountains and live off nature. ”

Stage 5 – Acceptance
Onset: Friday Morning
Typical Thoughts: “Its Friday!  I can get through just a few more hours of this. I can do it – Just a little longer and I get to be Freeeeee!”

Rinse-and-repeat some 50 times during the year, some 2000 times during your lifetime, and when you’re done you get to have dinner at IHOP with the senior menu… at 3PM.

Life doesn’t suck, it bites, it chews and it spits out!