What do you think will happen next?

Ask yourself The One Question and your answers will help you go where you want to go. This is like “The Secret” except its not complete bullshit.

Story time:

Years ago I was single and going out to bars with a married friend. He would always want to hit on women, would rarely muster the courage, yet would always be my wingman. Excellent guy yet I couldn’t shake the idea of what the fuck was he doing by my side when he was married – His wife would work for several months out of state. So I started to ask him.

-”What do you think is going to happen now?”

-”I don’t know”

-”Do you think one of these women is going to like you?”

-”Yeah, of course”

-”Then what? What will happen after you talk to her?”

-”Well… Sex?”

-”So what will happen next is one of these women is going to go sleep with you tonight on a one-night-stand out of the blue?”

-”Yeah”

You can guess that never happened. Of course, if you try one million times, you’ll eventually get lucky. Yet luck needs a big helping hand. Beyond the point of this being a setup for him cheating – the sequence he was expecting was unrealistic. Sure, if you’re a PUA (Pick-up-artist) chances are high you’ll sleep with one that night. Yet thats not what my friend was saying or doing.

He was going from stumbling drunk in a bar to a one-night stand with a stranger without the intermediate steps.

This was many years ago. Ever since then I ask myself “What do you think will happen next” all the time – Because I don’t want to be a frustrated drunk bozo.

Forget PUAs and bars, though. This is something you need to ask yourself on every situation you face. Especially if you’re going into something where there is a preconception of results.

For example, you read in John Chow’s blog how he makes $40,000 a month and decide to set up your blog. You write shit, and nothing happens – Guess what, you’ve been Chowed. After you read the inspiring article from Chowderhead and decide to go his route ask yourself.

“And what will happen next?”

You see, even you can’t lie to yourself in the face that bad. Asking the question brings up the obvious: There is no more magic – Harry Potter fucked it all up.

“I am going to build a million dollar a month blog empire! I am signing up to WordPress.com right now”

-”What do you think will happen next?”
“Option a) the entire population of mainland China will click your ads tonight, next week you’ll be on Jay Leno telling the world how to bank with The Google and The AdZen in The Interwebz”
“Option b) You’ll have a brand new blog with a scribble for an article and robots for traffic.”

-”What do you think will happen next?”
-”I will write awesome articles on raising snails”

-”And what next?” “Option a) You’ll start to develop a community or Option b) You’ll get a $50,000 check in the mail from SnailFarms for promoting their product so well”

The idea here isn’t to discourage yourself out of things – on the contrary. The idea is to have realistic expectations about what you are about to see next and what you will do after that. The idea here is to have a plan. To understand “What happens next”.

If you don’t ask yourself that question, you’ll always be surprised of the results no matter what they are – and in most areas of life the result will be disappointing simply because an enormous expectation is being built around everything and every experience by marketers such as myself.

 

  1. Just scrolled this far for the pics.
    27 January 12 at 00:49
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

The Sum of All Choices

When you’re trying to find your customer to pitch them something – whatever it is – think WHAT WERE THEY DOING BEFORE THEY GOT TO YOU? What about right before that? What about before that?

Your customers, your leads (and of course you) are the sum of their lifetime choices, and even the choices of their parents and ancestors – Can’t underestimate the power of cumulative advantages; yet that’s besides the point so we’ll leave the ‘cumulative advantages’ chat for another day.

If your site visitors are going to make the poor choice of the buying the Google Money kit, or take out your Payday loan, they have likely been making poor choices all along in the same vein – So what kind of choices are your potential customers making right now, the day before they head to your highly competitive URL? Or type in that expensive keyword? Find them one day sooner and save a bundle on traffic.

This thinking is similar to trying to create “Personas” – just more direct.

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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Bizarro World Leaks Affiliate Marketing Bollywood Film Starring Anik Singal

Bizarro World Strikes Back at the Real World!

I just can’t stop laughing. The amateurs pose as strippers for ClickBank products, the felons do sweat lodges and the pros do Bollywood films to promote shit…  I’m not even sure what he is promoting, whatever it is I bet it ain’t free and it ain’t funny what it does to your finances. I’m sorry Anik, I’m sure you are a nice guy full of shit.

You just HAVE to watch this video. Here’s the source page too.

Gotta love the call to action: “Start your lethal agent training.”

So I go… “Who the fuck is Anik Singal and why would he do such a movie?”…  I visit his site and the first thing I see is the motto “When Life Pushes You… Stand Straigh, Smile & Push Back” – I like it, reminds me of Cave Johnson’s ‘lemmons’ bit… When life gives you lemmons, burn life’s house down! Fast-forward to 1:00 minute on this next video – it is a funny part of Portal 2.

So I dig a little deeper by visiting someone with a nose fine-tuned to the smell of bullshit and a keen disdain for just about anything: PPC.BZ,  best useless affiliate news source out there, and discover Anik actually swore off bullshitting people two years ago. Check it out, its kind of amazing what he admits on the video there, especially since he never stopped doing it.

Here’s the “People buy my lies and expect the magic that I duped them into believing, to actually happen” video. I’m not sure what is more amazing, that he actually did this video or believing your BS to this level. I guess the latter – I wish I could take the blue pill like he does.

Strangely enough, Anik seems to be only a tiny blip on The Salty Droid’s radar.

Now personally it doesn’t matter to me if he is out to scam the planet, the way I see it he keeps the idiots busy. This whole secret agent theme and movie gig is just hilarious, though – Had to share.

  1. NegBox
    Seems I'm not worthy of the real one so I've been getting "Cheap Outsourced Link-Building Ryan Eagle" for the past two posts. ... Ryan doesn't say "Marketing research is important" or "Great epoch-defining film from the Hindu galactic empire who will own you American pigs" ... ROTFL.
    1 November 11 at 14:42
  2. Interesting movie so far. Thanks
    1 November 11 at 13:49
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Test your popups on the cheap and easy with a tiny .htacess trick

This post is for the less technically inclined using PPV. While you can see  your pop-ups on a contextual network by browsing the site/keywords you are bidding on with whatever “web experience enhancer” causes them to pop installed, this has a few drawbacks:

  • If your bids are high, you’re kinda wasting money and messing your stats.
  • If you browse a low-bid/low-activity URL and interact with your pop-up, you end up screwing up your CTR stats.
  • If you remember to add a low-traffic unrelated URL to the campaign, you have to contend with two problems: 1- The ad network will sometimes not approve it, for example they might not approve a diet pill pop-up on a seemingly harmless nursing mother website. 2- You have to come up with different URLs that actually exist each time or you’ll really mess up.

Solution for dumb people like myself: A simple .htaccess file that invisibly rewrites ALL requests for anything inside a folder to a simple “TEST” page.

The HTACCESS snippet:

<IfModule mod_rewrite.c>
	Options +FollowSymlinks
	RewriteEngine on
	RewriteRule ^(.*)$ test.html [L]
</IfModule>

 

The Dummy HTML file:

<html>
<body>
This is a test page
</body>
</html>

How to use:

  • Hopefully your server runs Apache like most of the web. If you have no clue what your web server runs, give up now before the gurus take all your money.
  • Save the HTACCESS snippet to a file named “.htaccess” (lowecase letters, please, and don’t forget the leading period)
  • Upload your new .htaccess to a new empty subdirectory, for example “/testingpop” so you can access that directory as “http://mydomain.com/testingpop”
  • Save the Dummy HTML file snippet to a file named “test.html”
  • Upload test.html to the same directory where you put the new .htaccess file
  • When you add targets to a campaign, simply add as a target this subdirectory and append the name of your campaign without any spaces. For example, if you were selling self-confidence courses you might add a url like “http://mydomain.com/testingpop/USA-Grow-your-dick-03″

When you access that target you added to your campaigns on the last step, it will always work, it will always get approved because it just says “This is a test”, it will always have the minimum bid and will always be unique because you used the campaign name, its easy to remember, contains no sodium or CFCs and was never tested on animals although I did kick the dog at random intervals while writing this post just to remind him who the alpha male is around here.

If you had ADD, this is what you’d get from this post:

Man Kicking Dog

I kick the dog at random intervals just to remind him who the alpha male is around here

  1. Well then. Carry on!
    1 November 11 at 02:10
  2. NegBox
    Mike, I've had the unpleasant experience of the pops behaving very different "in the wild" as opposed to simulated - particularly the TrafficVance pops - The window won't resize on a second page no matter what you do, and sometimes you think you are opening a new window when in practice you stay stuck on the small pop-up. Some jQuery libraries dealing with input forms, auto-tabbing and focus can stop working in different networks - you really have to see it to make sure its all working as supposed - Heck recently I built a little "pop-up accelerator" that would show a snapshot of the lander from a CDN while the real lander would load in the background and then get invisibly replaced (triggered by the onLoad event).. It worked wonderful in testing, it worked like shit in practice and I STILL can't figure out what went wrong.
    31 October 11 at 04:50
  3. You would be better off just posting a tiny js box above for people to input their pop pages and choose which traffic source to preview as (ie: sizez). Similiar to affportal's tool. Thanks for the boobs though.
    29 October 11 at 05:23
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Affiliate Mistake #1 – Using Your Common Sense

Google suggests Oedipus complex

Your are not your customer

You are not MY customer either.

So stop trying to act like YOU know what THEY want and GO FIND OUT.

It never fails. Every time I tell someone what I do with affiliate marketing, sometimes even other marketers, I get this look of “You are so dumb, that will never work – you are doomed“.

The typical assumptions I find folks make when discussing online marketing:

  • “I am normal, most people are normal, so most people act like I do”
  • “I would not do X, therefore most people will not do X, therefore your idea is stupid, forget the $50,000 you made off of it, you are crazy”
  • “Everyone on the entire planet speaks English, and uses the same sites I do yet somehow I’m the only one who knows there is porn on the net.”
  • “We all know the same things. We all want the same things. We all have the same problems.”

Usually I get told I am targeting too narrowly and need to come up with something EVERYONE wants… Like a better Facebook than Facebook – Because we all know the little jew made out like a bandit and we all know we need another networking site. Next time this happens, I’m going to slap my forehead and shout “Of course! Jesus, I gotta get coding now! See ya!”.

This is childish. Every little boy and girl out there doesn’t stop to think that other people have a different set of knowledge and beliefs until they develop a “Theory of mind“. Clearly some adults have a hard time acknowledging world views that are radically different from their own… If this is you, go visit around the world and make an effort to meet the locals you would normally not meet.

The best part of all this is we routinely ignore the subtle cues that tell us we are in the minority – Evidence that you/me/they are not EVERYONE. Here is an example from this morning… I decided to search on Google “Why does time appear to slow down at the speed of light?” from my iPhone. Take a look at the suggested popular queries that start with “Why does…” that I got:

Google suggests Oedipus complex

Now if you really were just like your customers, then you would have the hots for your mom, an itchy ass, graying hair, a cat that licks you, a dog that eats your shit, a rotten belly button, a habit of shitting in large bodies of water and a raging urinary infection. Whatever you do, just skip the handshake next time we meet.

  1. Thanks for the information. Marketing research is so important. Thank you!
    20 October 11 at 19:28
  2. NegBox
    Ask them. Seriously. There is no substitute for marketing research - Quantitative, qualitative, whatever you want to do as long as you don't do it all inside your head.
    13 October 11 at 13:32
  3. So then the next logical question is... how then DO you get inside your customers' head? How do you figure out what your prospect/audience desires to then target that desire and grab their attention?
    12 October 11 at 04:32
  4. NegBox
    I'm really going to use this iPhone parlor trick next time... I'm going to borrow *their* iPhone for extra giggles.
    11 September 11 at 07:51
  5. I don't know what sort of stuff you are into but when I did the same search 'Eye Twitch' was my first result...granted my third was "why doesn't HE like me" lol. http://i55.tinypic.com/5b8tph.png
    10 September 11 at 00:19
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

FTC Complaint on AdWords Ban – Yes, I’m still banned

Google’s final response to the San Jose BBB case was this:

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and we are unable to provide any additional information. Google reserves the right to disable any ads when deemed necessary per the AdWords Terms and Conditions: https://adwords.google.com/select/tsandcsfinder. Again, we apologize for any frustration. Your AdWords account will remain suspended unless you have the ability to edit the content of the sites for which you were previously advertising.

The whole thing is pretty insulting.

Over the past few days there were some really great comments on the original post – with some really good ideas.

Since the BBB channel got nowhere, I decided to file a complaint with the FTC – Federal Trade Commission. The FTC doesn’t attempt to resolve individual complaints – at the same time the FTC can do a lot to solve everyone’s complaints about something like AdWords and their practices – especially as Google gets as big as it is now. The only way for that to happen, though, would be for them to get a bunch of complaints, not just two. I’ll put in my grain of sand and wait for the avalanche. Maybe the FTC will get a hundred complaints over three years and act like they got them all last Tuesday – playing the same time-distortion games Google plays with everyone else.

In case you’re interested, and it helps you file your complaint, here is the full text of the complaint I filed.

Google AdWords service is using misleading and deceptive language, policies and practices with regards to suspending accounts. Furthermore they offer as a way of resolving AdWords service problems a course of action that is either impossible (modify sites you dont own) or would involve committing a crime. They offer no real recourse. They bar you from their advertising program as an individual, for life, and mark accounts that may be associated to your person. This does make me a less valuable professional in real life. If this was the corner coffee shop, that would not be a problem. The problem arises when Google uses these policies that provide no realistic recourse, and at the same time controls the great majority of search traffic worldwide.

I filed a case with Google’s local BBB (the San Jose BBB, case #<withheld>) and received Google’s final reply of  “Your AdWords account will remain suspended unless you have the ability to edit the content of the sites for which you were previously advertising.”  These sites they are referring to are sites I dont own and Im not trying to advertise at all – It has been over two years since I advertised those sites. Google is knowingly acting in a devilishly deceptive manner, while ruining my good name and barring me from their system with no recourse.

Google AdWords is taking permanent and continued action starting June 2011, based on events that took place at least a year ago, which merited a warning in 2010. Google unilaterally escalated the perceived severity of past actions and provides as a possible way of resolution an avenue which Google fully understand is impossible to execute. While Google’s explanations seem rational (‘fix the website’), and it may fully fit within the processes Google has defined, that doesn’t take away nor satisfactorily explain nor resolve the material facts that Google has permanently suspended me personally based solely on activity that took place a year ago, which they reviewed in due time a year ago, and provide no viable course of action to resolve the dispute amicably. “Fixing” a website I don’t own is not a viable course of action and Google insists that is their only acceptable means of resolution, and puts the onus on me. Google is knowingly asking to perform an impossible task, so Google can bar me from their system with the deceptive claim that I am unwilling to fulfill their requirements for compliance.

Google continually cites they “Reserve the right to disable any ads…” That is not an issue here. The issue is that they are barring me for life with no recourse; that is not the same as reserving the right to disable non-compliant ads.

Please give me a call if you have further questions.

To file a complaint with the FTC, just go here and click the big “FTC Complaint Assistant” graphic.

You’ll need a bit of Google’s business details, which they kindly provided via the BBB, and are these:

Google, Inc.
1600 Amphitheatre Pkwy
Mountain View, CA 94043-1351
Phone: (650) 330-0100

Have fun!

6/22/11 update: Don’t forget to also file your complaint with your state’s Attorney General. You can find your states attorney general webpage (and their online complaint form) right here in the National Association of Attorneys General directory or just Slash it with blekko.

  1. Gyuri
    One more addition: If you are living in the EU the new data protection scheme will allow individuals the "right to be forgotten" , meaning someone can request the deletion of all personal data, such as IP email etc. This way they wont be able to ban you for life. Screw you Google, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/internet/8388033/Online-right-to-be-forgotten-confirmed-by-EU.html. I will be one of hte first person to request this for my Adwords account.
    25 December 11 at 07:34
  2. NegBox
    Really "my case" is lob the grenade and run. Not gonna chase the FTC. Now does anyone really believe that because Google doesn't want me to use their systems, I won't if I need to? If I had a choice, then I would respect that - When I don't have a choice, well then I just don't have a choice.
    20 December 11 at 22:41
  3. Gyuri
    One more thing I wanted to mention that the Adwords team could simply block questionable URLs in campaigns instead of banning people. This treatment is totally rude. In the US Justice system not even murderers get a permanent ban for life.
    16 December 11 at 11:43
  4. Gyuri
    Just raised my FTC complaint. I focused on the fact that Google Adwords is a monopoly for online advertisement, and them banning you for life seriously impairs your prospects to enter the online market which is a necessity for survival. :) If there would be 4-5 players with 20% market share their ban would not matter, but this way it does. For an FTC complaint you need to focus on monopolistic nature of Google, and why they should not be allowed to ban an advertiser for life.
    13 December 11 at 07:43
  5. Gyuri
    Hey, How is your case coming with the FTC? Would love to have some updates.
    12 December 11 at 08:36
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Obama Email Submit Exposed in Pictures

Shady email submit using Obama’s face, exposed for all to see page-by-page – Because I’m a dick, and I hate it when I don’t think of scammy stuff before someone else does.

I was just browsing a website when this window appeared. Mr. President wants to talk to me!

Obama just wanted some input on his campaign

He asked me about Donald Trump

... and Sarah Palin

... and Ron Paul. I was sure he would put this information to good use.

Obama kept his word and let me select my prize. My three very valuable minutes were turned into a $500+ electronic gadget. Gotta love the stimulus.

I chose the iPhone! So excited to get my prize!

Obama wanted to know my e-mail address. How else is he going to ship my goodies? By e-mail, of course!

After I gave him my e-mail, I was surprised he STILL had more questions for me.

He started getting really personal with the questions. I guess he might want to invite me for dinner. Or maybe an extra-special prize! Or a mortgage rebate!

Maybe he was going to offer me a job... Or sucker me into a payday loan?

 

 

 

I thought he would give me a scholarship!

Or a new checking account!

Then he asked me about my credit score. I've got no clue, maybe he can send it to me.

Jesus Christ how many question does the president have?

Finally I get to the last question, again... I can't wait for my iPhone! I know Obama won't let me down - He's the president of the USA!

 

 

 

What the hell, mofo!? Now he says I need to complete two "offers" to get my gift. What kind of gift is this? I don't understand why it says on the top right that I selected the Dell computer instead of the iPhone - whatever, I also need a new computer!

I thought ok, I just buy two crappy things and get my prize, so I got some teeth whiteners and Dr. Seuss books for the kids. Couldn't wait to get my stuff. Then this son of a bitch tells me I need to complete NINE more offers. Fine, I'll buy myself nine more useless things...

Ah! finally, after I bought eleven pieces of shit, I get some bonus offers right before my prize. I'm just gonna skip these bonuses and head for my prize... So I'll click the bottom link...

What the fuck now? Where is my prize? This lady is talking to me about credit cards. Lady, tell me about my prize, not credit cards god dammit!

Maybe Obama is just going to send me an e-mail asking me for my shipping address for the prize... Lets check my inbox. ... Strange, I don't remember signing up for financial aid, scholarships, government grants, credit reports or auction places. Oh well.. I'll just wait, maybe Obama is going to call me!

Shady email submit using Obama’s face, exposed for all to see page-by-page.
  1. Hahahahaha, this is great.
    17 June 11 at 06:21
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

How Google Banned Me – And The Simple Way to Save Your Ass

I wish someone had told me this two years ago: Google associates your AdWords account to the domains that you advertise. Worse yet, they associate it to the domains and then refuse to break that association. Just to be clear: Its not the domain you have on the display URL or your tracking domain if its in the middle – its the domain -and the page- where the user lands. They keep track of where you are sending the users and the quality of your account becomes forever linked to the quality of experience those pages give the user.

It doesn’t matter if you delete the ads by over-writing them with blanks like I did. It doesn’t matter if you delete the ads, then the ad groups, then the campaigns and all the campaigns in your account and don’t do much of anything for a year. You might as well be advertising child porn to soccer moms during Christmas.

So now you know how to avoid getting banned. Simply put: Never, ever, ever, use AdWords to take users to a page you don’t control. They insinuate they let you get ‘unbanned’ if you correct the pages – which you obviously can’t do if you don’t own them.

Curious to know exactly what happened to my account? Here are the details. If you’re interested in more background, here’s a post with images from the first time they sent me a warning. Note that since about a month before the time of that warning, I haven’t ran a single impression, ad, click, or unpaused any campaigns – all I did was delete my campaigns several months ago and now enter new billing info in the form of a coupon they sent me.

The low-down

I used Google AdWords to advertise fatloss4idiots.com and (another site). Several months after I stopped all my advertising to those sites, on July 8th 2010 I received an e-mail from LPQ-Support@google.com letting me know those two sites violate the landing page guidelines. I had not advertised those sites for several months. They asked me to make changes to the sites. Which I can’t do – fatloss4idiots.com is not my property, so I agree to never advertise them again and delete those campaigns. I have not advertised anything on AdWords since July 2010. All my campaigns have been deleted for several months now. On May 18th I receive an e-mail from Google Adwords (adwords-noreply@google.com) with a $100 coupon, saying “Here’s $100 to come back to AdWords” it seems to be a coupon for people that have not advertised in some time. So I log in to my AdWords account and put the code. The code works fine – $100 is added to my account – and I don’t touch anything else on my account. On June 8th I receive an e-mail that states my AdWords account has been suspended forever. I call their support line and after describing the problem, then I get e-mail saying their decision is final, to not to ask them why or call again. I called them again on Thursday and on Friday I get the same “our decision is final” email with no information or recourse.

Adwords Support Sucks Flaming Ass

Reality check:

To keep the post at the “reality” level, lets keep in mind that all the Google policies and procedures are optional, they can be over-ridden by management, they can be applied selectively, they are defined in one meeting on Monday and changed around on Thursday. Just because someone tells you something is their process, it doesn’t mean it is a law of nature – It means the people you are talking to don’t know or don’t want to help you – it doesn’t mean things can’t be changed. Corollary: Everything changes, its up to you to find out how to make it change the way you want it.

What next?

Not sure. I’m not sure my time or money would be well spent getting this overturned. I haven’t used AdWords for anything for a year now. This is a problem I might have to solve when the need arises. Without an active income stream from them, its hard to justify spending time and resources on this when there are better things to do – I can see it having some strategic value, and it pisses me off ‘to infinity and beyond’ – yet it doesn’t seem to make much business sense to do something with it right now. So… Not sure.

http://negbox.com/fuck-you-google-an-illustrated-love-story

Update 6/15/2011:

After posting on the blog I decided to cut and paste a chunk of this post and send it to Google via the BBB as a complaint. As Mike pointed out, the BBB is useless and powerless. Google had this to say today:

We write in response to {witheld}. We understand that your AdWords account was recently suspended. Paused ads for disabled sites are still subject to review by our team. Please keep in mind that pausing or deleting ads related to the disabled sites will not automatically re-enable the ads nor remove the violation history. Our team has confirmed that this suspension was correct. And the account will remain suspended unless the violating sites are brought into compliance according to our Site and Quality guidelines. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but unfortunately we cannot provide any further assistance in this matter. Google’s primary objective is to provide safe, relevant experiences for our users. The decision to suspend your account was made after careful review of your account and the low quality landing page experiences promoted through your ads. We do apologize that this issue came to our attention shortly after you received a promotional offer. Our Terms and Conditions, to which you agreed to when you signed up for AdWords, state that Google reserves the right to disable any ads when deemed necessary. You can review these Terms and Conditions here: https://adwords.google.com/select/tsandcsfinder
Initial Response Summary
We have reviewed the AdWords account and confirmed that the suspension was correct.

This is a standard mind-fuck response. In case you’re wondering what’s going on here: Its a set-up. They’ve pulled a process out of their ass that makes sure you can’t fix your situation, yet it sounds reasonable and they offer no alternatives. In other words, they do whatever they please – Like that was news.

So I wrote them a little response, really for the principle because I don’t want the BBB to say “Yay! Successfully resolved the case!” when what happened was nothing. My rebuttal:

The explanation about the internal processes of Google does not satisfactorily resolve the material facts: Google has taken permanent and continued action starting June 2011, based on events that took place at least a year ago, which merited a warning in 2010. Google has unilaterally escalated the perceived severity of past actions and provides as a possible way of resolution an avenue which Google fully understand is impossible to execute. While Google’s explanation seems rational, and it may fully fit within the processes Google has defined, that doesn’t take away nor satisfactorily explain nor resolve the material facts that Google has permanently suspended this account based solely on activity that took place a year ago.

So, next up should be where Google says “Lalalalalala I’m not listening! You are gone!” and case closed. Stay tuned.

  1. Ok bro,when I got suspended I was shocked and all fucked up, thinking I did something really bad... well I found the phone number to call them directly and the arrogant prick actually laughed as he pulled up the offer that caused the suspension that I really had no clue as to what the fuck. It was an email submit from peerfly, free ipod scam bullshit that I had already deleted before I was suspended so I was like " well fuck dude I deleted it and I know it was bullshit" anyway.. I called peerfly and he told me to abandon that account and start a new one in another sir name.. using my first name and not my middle as I did.. and a different address and a new email.. and that worked. Now I know better than to promote lead gens direct links. You must only promote from your own site,so like Negbox says, so you can control the shit google doesn't like.. They are such bullies.
    29 October 11 at 05:45
  2. Their rules can be very stupid the way they apply it to all cases as a blanket. For example their bridge page rule can be a good thing or completely idiotic. Here is my response to them for being accused of a bridge page but of course they are not going to budge from their dumb position so I will just have to find alternative advertisers: ---------------------------------------- Wow, your requirements are pretty strict. So in essence you don't allow resellers of any kind even though some offer great services such as in my case having the same low price for registration of domains and renewal. Just for your information here are a few sites that google adwords are running on and have been running for a while that are exactly the same: *****Here I included 4 pages that were doing exact same thing as my ad from the first two pages of adwords listings of a keyword search***** And this was just a quick search. I have seen many more! BTW, I believe it should also be noted that I am not simply sending visitors to somebody else's page. That particular page is my reseller page with my own custom settings and prices. That is why you see the huge title "DomainOfferer.com". So it is not exactly the same as me redirecting people to a completely separate site. It is basically my site that is hosted on another domain. I certainly pay for it so it should be mine. Regards, ---------------------------------------------------- Google is a good company but many […]
    11 August 11 at 11:56
  3. I'd also nominate a pic of the interrogation chair; captioned "Advertiser Review: Confess quickly, or you'll ruin your credit."
    22 June 11 at 06:38
  4. NegBox
    @Greg Sorry your comment got flagged as spam, just fished it out. I thought scanning "paused" campaigns for compliance was unreasonable, yet I chalked it up to "whatever". Now taking into account deleted stuff and even going back years, pretending like the time dimension doesn't exist, or expecting people to ignore it when attributing consequences to events is not just ridiculous - it won't hold up to scrutiny. You brain's evolution connects events that take place close in time according to your short human time scale. If you call your girlfriend "bitch" and she stabs you with a fork, it's 'a domestic dispute'. If you call your girlfriend "bitch" and she tracks you down five years later and stabs you with a fork, its 'attempted homicide'. Unfortunately for Google, time matters for humans.
    21 June 11 at 14:54
  5. NegBox
    @frank Ha! You nailed it. It is indeed is a scene from 'Brazil'. "Central Services" is the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of their AdWords support policies. I had two runner-ups for the "Demotivator": http://negbox.com/wp-content/uploads/google-01.jpg and my close second favorite: http://negbox.com/wp-content/uploads/google-03.jpg
    21 June 11 at 14:37
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

International Marketing – Giant Spreadsheet of Cultural Differences

Need a leg up on international campaigns? Use this giant interactive Excel to compare cultures, create ads that connect and avoid pissing money away.

Inspired by Finch’s hilarious “How not to crack an international market” post, I decided to share this juicy spreadsheet. I got it during my MBA, probably from one of the professors – I had never seen it before, and have never seen it posted since. The spreadsheet form comes from Neil Sandford who got permission from the original researcher, Professor Geert Hofstede.

Geert Hofstede excel data

What’s in it an how it was made

(Original simple article in Chinese)

These ideas were first based on a large research project into national culture differences across subsidiaries of a multinational corporation (IBM) in 64 countries. Subsequent studies by others covered students in 23 countries, elites in 19 countries, commercial airline pilots in 23 countries, up-market consumers in 15 countries, and civil service managers in 14 countries. These studies together identified and validated five independent dimensions of national culture differences:

Power distance, that is the extent to which the less powerful members of organizations and institutions (like the family) accept and expect that power is distributed unequally. This represents inequality (more versus less), but defined from below, not from above. It suggests that a society’s level of inequality is endorsed by the followers as much as by the leaders. Power and inequality, of course, are extremely fundamental facts of any society and anybody with some international experience will be aware that ‘all societies are unequal, but some are more unequal than others’.

Individualism on the one side versus its opposite, collectivism, that is the degree to which individuals are inte-grated into groups. On the individualist side we find societies in which the ties between individuals are loose: everyone is expected to look after him/herself and his/her immediate family. On the collectivist side, we find societies in which people from birth onwards are integrated into strong, cohesive in-groups, often extended families (with uncles, aunts and grandparents) which continue protecting them in exchange for unquestioning loyalty. The word ‘collectivism’ in this sense has no political meaning: it refers to the group, not to the state. Again, the issue addressed by this dimension is an extremely fundamental one, regarding all societies in the world.

Masculinity versus its opposite, femininity, refers to the distribution of roles between the genders which is another fundamental issue for any society to which a range of solutions are found. The IBM studies revealed that (a) women’s values differ less among societies than men’s values; (b) men’s values from one country to another contain a dimension from very assertive and competitive and maximally different from women’s values on the one side, to modest and caring and similar to women’s values on the other. The assertive pole has been called ‘masculine’ and the modest, caring pole ‘feminine’. The women in feminine countries have the same modest, caring values as the men; in the masculine countries they are somewhat assertive and competitive, but not as much as the men, so that these countries show a gap between men’s values and women’s values.

Uncertainty avoidance deals with a society’s tolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity; it ultimately refers to man’s search for Truth. It indicates to what extent a culture programs its members to feel either uncomfortable or comfortable in unstructured situations. Unstructured situations are novel, unknown, surprising, different from usual. Uncertainty avoiding cultures try to minimize the possibility of such situations by strict laws and rules, safety and security measures, and on the philosophical and religious level by a belief in absolute Truth; ‘there can only be one Truth and we have it’. People in uncertainty avoiding countries are also more emotional, and motivated by inner nervous energy. The opposite type, uncertainty accepting cultures, are more tolerant of opinions different from what they are used to; they try to have as few rules as possible, and on the philosophical and religious level they are relativist and allow many currents to flow side by side. People within these cultures are more phlegmatic and contemplative, and not expected by their environment to express emotions.

Long-term versus short-term orientation: this fifth dimension was found in a study among students in 23 countries around the world, using a questionnaire designed by Chinese scholars It can be said to deal with Virtue regardless of Truth. Values associated with Long Term Orientation are thrift and perseverance; values associated with Short Term Orientation are respect for tradition, fulfilling social obligations, and protecting one’s ‘face’. Both the positively and the negatively rated values of this dimension are found in the teachings of Confucius, the most influential Chinese philosopher who lived around 500 B.C.; however, the dimension also applies to countries without a Confucian heritage.

Scores on the first four dimensions were obtained for 50 countries and 3 regions on the basis of the IBM study, and on the fifth dimension for 23 countries on the basis of student data collected by Bond. Power distance scores are high for Latin, Asian and African countries and smaller for Germanic countries. Individualism prevails in developed and Western countries, while Collectivism prevails in less developed and Eastern countries; Japan takes a middle position on this dimension. Masculinity is high in Japan, in some European countries like Germany, Austria and Switzerland, and moderately high in Anglo countries; it is low in Nordic countries and in the Netherlands and moderately low in some Latin and Asian countries like France, Spain and Thailand. Uncertainty avoidance scores are higher in Latin countries, in Japan, and in German speaking countries, lower in Anglo, Nordic, and Chinese culture countries. A Long Term Orientation is mostly found in East Asian countries, in particular in China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Japan, and South Korea.

The grouping of country scores points to some of the roots of cultural differences. These should be sought in the common history of similarly scoring countries. All Latin countries, for example, score relatively high on both power distance and uncertainty avoidance. Latin countries (those today speaking a Romance language i.e. Spanish, Portuguese, French or Italian) have inherited at least part of their civilization from the Roman empire. The Roman empire in its days was characterized by the existence of a central authority in Rome, and a system of law applicable to citizens anywhere. This established in its citizens’ minds the value complex which we still recognize today: centralization fostered large power distance and a stress on laws fostered strong uncertainty avoidance. The Chinese empire also knew centralization, but it lacked a fixed system of laws: it was governed by men rather than by laws. In the present-day countries once under Chinese rule, the mindset fostered by the empire is reflected in large power distance but medium to weak uncertainty avoidance. The Germanic part of Europe, including Great Britain, never succeeded in establishing an enduring common central authority and countries which inherited its civilizations show smaller power distance. Assumptions about historical roots of cultural differences always remain speculative but in the given examples they are quite plausible. In other cases they remain hidden in the course of history.

The country scores on the five dimensions are statistically correlated with a multitude of other data about the countries. For example, power distance is correlated with the use of violence in domestic politics and with income inequality in a country. Individualism is correlated with national wealth (Per Capita Gross National Product) and with mobility between social classes from one generation to the next. Masculinity is correlated negatively with the share of their Gross National Product that governments of the wealthy countries spend on development assistance to the Third World. Uncertainty avoidance is associated with Roman Catholicism and with the legal obligation in developed countries for citizens to carry identity cards. Long Term Orientation is correlated with national economic growth during the past 25 years, showing that what led to the economic success of the East Asian economies in this period is their populations’ cultural stress on the future-oriented values of thrift and perseverance.

Enjoy. If you are using Excel 2010 or higher, you’ll have to allow editing to be able to interact with the charts. Here’s the spreadsheet:

 

 

Prof. Geert Hofstede conducted perhaps the most comprehensive study of how values in the workplace are influenced by culture.

Geert Hofstede analyzed a large data base of employee values scores collected by IBM between 1967 and 1973 covering more than 70 countries, from which he first used the 40 largest only and afterwards extended the analysis to 50 countries and 3 regions. In the editions of GH’s work since 2001, scores are listed for 74 countries and regions, partly based on replications and extensions of the IBM study on different international populations.

 

Subsequent studies validating the earlier results have included commercial airline pilots and students in 23 countries, civil service managers in 14 counties, ‘up-market’ consumers in 15 countries and ‘elites’ in 19 countries.

 

From the initial results, and later additions, Hofstede developed a model that identifies four primary Dimensions to assist in differentiating cultures: Power Distance – PDI, Individualism – IDV, Masculinity – MAS, and Uncertainty Avoidance – UAI.

 

Geert Hofstede added a fifth Dimension after conducting an additional international study with a survey instrument developed with Chinese employees and managers.

 

That Dimension, based on Confucian dynamism, is Long-Term Orientation – LTO and was applied to 23 countries.

 

These five Hofstede Dimensions can also be found to correlate with other country, cultural, and religious paradigms

 

 

  1. Thanks heaps, especially for the finishing eye candy made all that reading worth while.... appreciations!
    19 October 11 at 02:52
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Integrate – Network for Ballin’ Outta Control

Integrate Affiliate Network Review

Imagine you were the only marketer out there promoting something hot. Imagine you found something to sell where you have NO COMPETITION.

Creamed your pants yet?

Quintippio Ad

That’s what Integrate does for me. They are the wide open field of affiliate networks and marketing. Instead of fighting for table scraps with three thousand other hungry affiliate dogs, you get to go hunt your own prey in the whole wide world.

The catch, and some background:

A few weeks back a great affiliate manager introduced me to Integrate.com – First I have to say “THANK YOU” that quite literally rocked!

Now here’s the catch -  I honestly wasn’t sure they would let me in to the platform since they are clearly geared towards high-end businesses – So don’t get your hopes flying high as a kite here, you might bounce like a rubber ball on this one.Quintippio Photo I can’t stress enough how much weight human relationships and your connections will have here – and everywhere that matters, really. How you handle human relationships is what separates momma’s pimple-ladden garage-dwellers from the men – The men know this, the boys are in denial, and the men know the boys are in denial. Enough cheap bullshit… Here is where that affiliate manager friend made all the difference in the world.

Here’s what sets Integrate on a whole ‘nother level:

  • You can chat/email with the people who own the offer you are promoting
  • You can negotiate a payout increase directly with the offer owner based on your lead quality and your marketing expenses – You can create a win-win!
  • You now see and negotiate your “cap” for each offer. You can have a set allocation (in number of leads or conversions) per day and per month of each offer – This is part of the initial and ongoing negotiation with the owner of the offer. This helps control cashflow immensely.
  • You can ask the owner of the offers for permission to run in some traffic source or promotion method they didn’t even dream of
  • You can ask for other countries, other demographics, other ANYTHING
  • You have TWO people helping you get balling – a product specialist to help you find deals that work for you and even negotiate terms, and an account support person for the daily activities.

The offers Integrate has fall into one of four main categories:

  • CPA (Cost per Action): You get paid when the user completes and action on the offer website. This is the bread-and-butter of just about every other affiliate network out there.
  • CPL (Cost per Lead): This is sometimes called “Host and Post”. You own the webpage that captures the information and then send that information over the Integrate platform to the offer owner.
  • CPIC (Cost per Inbound Call): You get paid when you get someone to call a pre-set phone number.
  • CPLT (Cost per Live Transfer): If you have a call center, you can transfer hot leads to the offer’s call center and get paid when the caller stays on the line X number of seconds.
  • CPFCLD (Cost per Full Contact Lap Dance): You wish.

The variety and ways of promoting all these just boggles the mind – and the Intgrate platform has a checkbox and offers for pretty much anything you can think of.

Advertising networks feel cramped with retards and brand advertisers when you try to promote something and the costs are out of this world. Then you go to the 2nd tier ad networks and you can’t target shit because the traffic volume is so low you don’t even know if its working, that’s if they have any decent targeting controls.

Now imagine having the medium’s minimum cost and the ultimate in flexibility.  This is what happens when YOU set the rules of the game. Co-reg? No problem. Incent? Sure thing. Want to roll your own content lock? Go ahead. Promote in Swahili to Tanzania? Just ask!

There is only one downside to Integrate – It can take you a couple of days to negotiate with some offers – you get your own terms, your own pages, your own cap, etc – at the expense of some planning before hand; So sometimes you can’t just decide to go live spur-of-the-moment, throw some traffic and see what happens. In this system you also have a reputation to keep track of, and you can view the reputation of people putting in offers too!

Which brings me to the brilliance of Integrate… The trust system.

A key to dominating a market is to own a trust system, ideally the first one, like eBay. Inside of Integrate you can actually see the different companies putting offers, their descriptions, their volume, their volume of leads and the volume of returned leads per each and every single campaign they put up. Conversely, they can see YOU – they can see how many leads you are driving per month, they can see how many leads you sent that were returned to you for bad quality, heck they can even see the average of how long it takes you between the time you agree to run a campaign and when you start sending it live traffic.

ADHD summary:

  • Integrate is not a CPA network, its a unique platform.
  • It rocks.

Update 6/1/2011:

I see some folks took me up on this network -  Leave me a comment with your impressions if you get approved!

Sometimes its hard to visualize the possibilities without an example. So here’s one, without factoring in negotiating anything – just taking stock offers:

Grab a campaign that promotes a Dell or Hewlett Packard webinar (there are tons) promote it on Facebook to people working in IT. You create the landing page where you capture the user’s information, use Google website optimizer to optimize the heck out of it. When the user submits the information – where do they go while you send their data out? They go to a page that thanks them for the webinar submission, confirm their data just in case they typed it wrong, and asks them if they are interested in furthering their education with a Master’s or PhD. As they fill that out or confirm your pre-fill, you can ask them if they are also interested in the ITNews (I made this one up) newsletter that takes co-reg – since you have all the data, all you have to do is provide them with a little checkbox. You could do this last co-reg bit up-front too.

 

Disclosure: I don’t do paid posts, nor do I whore my blog. If the review here was valuable, you may use my links as a thank you. If it wasn’t valuable, you got the wrong blog – keep staring at the titties and ignore the text.

  1. NegBox
    You're welcome bud. I just had to post my review after one Friday evening when I got a phone call from my Integrate product manager letting me know a host-and-post campaign I had on my file was setting a pause date - Wanting to let me know so I don't spend time working on pages and stuff. I was already drafting a review because of the platform, that was a major confirmation I had to share this good stuff with folks.
    2 June 11 at 14:53
  2. I'm in! Thanks for the post. You rock.
    1 June 11 at 22:29
  3. ^ ^ ^ Integrate sounds good..So does Blamads
    31 May 11 at 04:11
  4. Damn this looks slick as hell. How can I get in on promoting that 95 blade razor?!?
    28 May 11 at 00:25
  5. just signed up with them as well as blam ads, nice eyecandy
    27 May 11 at 21:15
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Religious Experience On-Demand

Imagine being able to have a feeling one one-ness, belonging and utter bliss whenever you feel like it.

Ever had what people call a “religious experience”? Here’s a secret: Its all in your head.

Levitating

Here’s how to have a transcendental/religious experience – it takes about 90-120 minutes and I guarantee you will never forget it:

1 – Sit straight on a chair or the floor staring a blank wall – close enough that you only see a blank wall. Make sure you will not be disturbed or interrupted at all.

2 – Turn on some ambient instrumental music, this will come in handy later.

3 – Imagine you are flying.

4 – Keep at it for 90-120 minutes. Nothing much will happen the first hour – brace yourself for the final 20 minutes.

Yup, that’s all there is to it folks – your brain does the rest for you.

But wait, there’s more.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could get this epic endorphin boost without the two hours of sitting in a chair doing nothing?
Of course – and there is a way, without shooting heroine. You’re probably not going to like it, though, since it involves work.

All you have to do is repeat this experience once every day or every other day for about two weeks. Always play the same music. After that the first few tries you’ll notice the time it takes to feel like you just creamed your pants with joy becomes shorter and shorter, and the effect quite a bit stronger.

After the two weeks, you’ll probably be able to conjure up an experience like this in a matter of 15-30 minutes or less.

Do it enough times an eventually you’ll get to the point you don’t need the music – it helps, though you don’t need it.

Eventually you’ll get to the point you can get a high virtually anytime, anywhere, while doing almost anything. Walking, weightlifting, anything where you can have some spare brain cycles – heck even typing this blog post.

One word of caution – Pick your “trigger” music well. New Age music worked for me. I say pick it carefully because hearing the music will trigger a conditioned response and get you flying high whether you wanted it or not – You don’t want to pick something popular.

Pavlov would be proud.

Whether
  1. NegBox
    Thanks man. Never stop asking questions.
    24 June 11 at 17:14
  2. Joe
    I agree - I think it's about keeping at it until your monkey mind gets tired and goes to sleep. Then you'll see what's really there... Also I think the stories are a form of camouflage - we need to feel comfortable in a belief system. But the flipside is that you can easily limit your thinking and development... That said, I am still in the process of exploring.. can go a lot further.. Keep up the great work!
    24 June 11 at 00:16
  3. NegBox
    Thank you. That's pretty cool. The most important thing about this little exercise I posted is that it doesn't require nor lead you to believe in any bullshit - Quite the contrary, it shows you what you can do with your mind is solely in your mind and has nothing to do with all the stories people wrap around their experiences to explain them. Ghosts and souls and gods and demons, Ki, Chi, Ether, the golden mean, the number 23... We create stories to explain what happens - Reality tends to be a heck of a lot simpler than our stories, yet usually hidden from view by our own way of understanding by narrative. Thank you for reading - I was wondering if that post just flew by - That is something that has helped me immensely through the years and something I use on a daily basis.
    17 June 11 at 04:40
  4. Joe
    Nicely written.. i've discovered something similar myself - invented by the Chinese (allegedly) over 3000 years ago -- check out 'zhan zhuang' for details.. Confucius ~ lose your stillness and you will fail at everything you do ~
    17 June 11 at 00:25
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Handy PHP Snippet to List Globals With Formatting

This little snippet will dump for you a formatted reference of your globals plus your PHP environment. Really useful especially if you have geolocation variables and other junk getting added to your PHP globals by web server modules.

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Gratuitous Eye Candy

How to Get Into Any Affiliate Network

In two words how to get into pretty much any affiliate network:

Jack Nicholson A Few Good Men You can't Handle the Truth

Brutal Honesty

Its that simple, really. Plain old honesty.

Most of the time folks asking about getting approved into CPA/CPS networks are afraid they won’t get accepted since they have very little experience. The formula that has worked perfectly for me is just being completely honest.

If you have zero experience, just say it.

Think about what will happen if you manage to convince your interviewer that you have more experience than you really do, or that you can crap smoking hot leads out of your ass.  What next? Three likely scenarios:

  1. Nobody will notice or care
  2. Your affiliate manager will notice you’re a tool and don’t fit the network – At best you’ll get shit treatment.
  3. You’ll get booted out, never to be let back in.

What would happen if you are brutally honest and tell them: “I was just reading this blog with naked chicks and….”. Two likely scenarios:

  1. They’ll approve you.
  2. They’ll tell you to come back with some battle scars and you can re-apply some time down the road.

Brutal honesty in this case means that:

  • If you have only done SEO with Clickbank and nothing ever worked – and hope the network CPA offers work better – Say so.
  • If you just want to add the same offer from multiple networks to a rotation, say it.
  • If you just read a blog and have no clue where your ass is, say it.

You can’t lose with the truth on this one. Worst case, you’ll come back some other time. Best case, they’ll help you learn what you need.

And the truth shall get you dough…

PS: If you do things even half right, as the affiliate managers you work with start moving around networks and companies, they’ll hit you up to see if you’re interested in working with them at their new place – This can open some pretty interesting doors for you.

  1. Isaac
    That's exactly what I told blam ads ryan, that i can't sell shit and want to try content locking and I still got denied. =\
    14 May 11 at 01:54
  2. One word - exactly.
    9 May 11 at 02:04
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Gratuitous Eye Candy

Mr Nobody

mrnobody

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25 Reasons I Owe My Mother

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